Eye Contact

Eventually, this blog will be filled more with current stories from our daily lives (oh how very exciting) and less of this faux-philosophical brain draining crap. But, for now, there are things I've been meaning to say and you're the only ones listening.
I have neighbors who are actively teaching thier little girl to make eye contact when saying, "Thank you" or "Please" or in any other manner speaking to someone. I guess it unnerves them that she isn't comfortable looking the rest of us in the eye as we tower over her. Actually, my understanding is that she doesn't even look them in the eye when speaking much of the time. I get it. I understand the need for the lesson. It's part of learning your manners, all part of the p's and q's. It's a lesson in self confidence and self importance. All extremely important lessons - all right on the top of my parenting list. So I get it.
It's not 'why the lesson?' that causes me to pause, but rather, 'why the lack of eye contact?' The little girl that I speak of is an awesome little girl; very cute, very polite, very engaged and often has very funny things to say. So I enjoy listening to her when she speaks. I find that she usually does look at me when she speaks - the aversion comes in the formalities only it seems. Like I said, in the p's and q's.
My own daughter has a similar aversion, which we too are working to correct. She is very shy about ordering at a restaurant. She also is terrified to call anyone on the phone - anyone other than myself that is. She's more than willing to call me at work to complain that her brother won't let her watch her favorite television program, or that he's bothering her and her friends outside. No problem there. When asked to call up a friend though to see if they can come play, she just shrinks to the size of a tiddlywink and huddles in the corner holding up the phone with an expression on her face that clearly threatens "if I really have to make this call I will implode and you will forever feel the weight of my dissapearance on your mothering shoulders."
I have to say, I don't worry much about the shyness on the phone. I can remember the first time I realized I was "good" at talking on the phone to strangers - or rather the first time I learned how to talk on the phone to strangers. It was when I was in High School and as the Vice President of my class I had to organize our prom and call on several hotels and convention centers to find a suitable location. After the first call - a magnificent blunder in which the woman on the other end had clearly experience this type of call before and was very good at leading me through - I practiced outloud what I was going to say in the next few calls, and worked on my tone of voice, etc. After that moment, I've always been comfortable making calls. But I was in high school and Grace is only 8. She hasn't made many calls and of course she has to practice. Hell, if today's teenagers are any indication, she'll be spending MOST of her time on the phone for the rest of her life: while doing her hair, walking through the grocery store, driving her car, riding her bike, eating her meals...and who knows, maybe there will be waterproof phones in a few years so she'll be able to do the two things girls do best and do them together - take long showers and talk on the phone. No, she'll have plenty of practice talking on the phone. No worries there.
But that in itself makes me wonder about the eye contact thing. Is it me, or are there fewer instances in our daily lives where we actually talk to people one on one? Where we have opportunity for eye contact. Yes, it's definitely a truth of our society. We go to the drive-thru for our coffee, eliminating those coffee shop relationships with regulars and counter people. (Well, actually, I visit a coffee shop almost every day because I love those very relationships - but most people I know don't want to take the time to park, get out of their car, walk 10 steps, and get back to their car. Or, they don't want to be bothered with having to deal with people that early in the morning.) We shop more online, avoiding human contact in the stores. We have toll passes so we don't have to look at the toll collectors on the highway. We have drive thru pharmacies, grocery stores that deliver, drycleaners that bring our clothes to work. And, because the whole world is on the phone all the time, even when there is opportunity for eye contact, I find many people are too wrapped up in their omni-important conversations to even look up. It's a shame. It's pathetic if you ask me. I am a cell phone snob - I don't own one and I look at the rest of you as you wander through your day to day with that piece of hardware attached to your ear and I can't help wondering when you let that brain of yours rest. Ever? Do you sleep with it next to your pillow? Do you take a shit with it too? Have any of you ever been taking a shit while talking on the phone with me? Probably.
So with so little real-world opportunity to hone the skills of one on one communication, which includes eye contact, it's no wonder kids are uncomfortable with it. No wonder they don't want to look up at the waitress and say outloud, "Could I please have an order of homefries with melted cheese, a hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles and a chocolate chip pancake?"
We'll discuss diets later.