What's a Bride to Wear?

My mother was never looking for a formal wedding gown. She knew from the start that she wouldn't wear a typical gown, but I know there's a part of her that would LOVE TO. I mean, really LOVE TO. Who wouldn't? Her first wedding was very small and she didn't have a wedding gown. So this time around we went dress shopping.

We stopped at Spoil Me and looked at the beautiful gowns by The Cotton Bride, and at Serendipity and Tavecchia, where we looked at dresses that are not necessarily bridal, but appropriate. She landed fairly early in the process on a skirt, not from a bridal salon, but from Serendipity, a "regular" store in downtown Portland. She really found this skirt on the first day we went shopping. She belabored over it for a while, and a couple of weeks later she ordered it in her size, with two extra yards of fabric to make a top, and extra trimmings for the top and for a headpiece. Meanwhile, she kept looking. She's not the best shopper, to be blunt, because she doesn't like making decisions (you can imagine how that bodes with planning a wedding for yourself!). She never buys anything at the first sighting. She visits things over and over before buying. She visited this skirt in person twice and online countless times before it was actually ordered. Even after making a decision, she hadn't really decided. She kept looking, finding her backups A, B and C.

The skirt is beautiful. It's a smokey blue/green silk dupione, full with gathers and silk roses for trim. It's long, with an abstract hemline and a simple elastic waist. It's just bridal enough without being over the top, and sophisticated but NOT AT ALL FRUMPY.

Two weeks after it was ordered, the skirt came in the mail. I had a phone call. And she cried disaster. Her wedding skirt had arrived and it was all wrong. For about 3 hours it was all wrong, and then it was okay. We discussed how it was the wrong color, but really it was just the light; how it was all wrinkled and bunched up, but really a good steaming would take care of that; and how it was just WAY TOO BIG, but we both know how to sew really well, so we could fix that; and how it was WAY TOO LONG, but a tailor could take care of that easily, even though it needed to be shortened from the waist, not the hem.

The color, and wrinkles of course were easily rectified. The sizing however, proved to be more difficult, and discouraging. If you've never needed a tailor before, it's tough to find a good one that you trust. Unfortunately, the tailor she found wasn't very good and when he returned the skirt there were new problems.

Mom was very frustrated. She started shopping for dresses all over again. During a trip to Saratoga, we visited two more bridal salons, and three more dress shops. For me, a passionate lover of fabrics and gathers and trimmings and fits, yes, it was way too much fun. And for mom, it was a lot of fun too - she was ready to try on actual wedding gowns: possibly just for fun, partly to find a flattering dress style, and maybe even to find a dress.

I've been so privileged to watch my mother try on some of the most beautiful wedding gowns. Now, that's not something most of us get to see - Mom in a wedding gown - except in photos. We had so much fun with so many types of dresses. At Lily, she tried on a contemporary dress that we both LOVED. It was gorgeous on and just the right style and cut for her. It's a dress by Vineyard, called Jules. It's a shirtwaist style that wraps around and then ties in the front, or back, almost like a shirt-coat, with a skirt that eases into full, from a beautifully fitted bodice. It was really cool, and I could see that she was tempted, but she decided it was way too bridal for her.

At Immortal Beloved Bridal (sorry, no website yet), aka Bird of Paradise, she tried on several dresses. She tried skirt-and-top bridal combinations; full silk skirts with fabulous gathers and trimmings, paired with simple petite tops that would be decorated just-right with the perfect little corsage and she tried on a slim, antique lace dress, long and elegant and sophisticated. It fit like it was made for her. It nearly brought tears to my eyes a couple of times, when she walked out of that silk and velvet dressing room, along the carpet, gown trailing, hair pulled up, tiny little petite body wrapped in silk and lace and layers and trimmings. I know she hadn't ever realized how beautiful she is and she surprised herself. We had a great time. She was very close to buying the antique lace gown. Not only did it look like it was made for her, but the price was right, and she could buy it right off the rack. As always, she had to go home and think about it.

And, really, when it came right down to it, I knew she just wanted her skirt to work. The one that was back home, hanging in her bedroom. And I knew we could make it work.

About two weeks later, on her next trip north, she brought the skirt with her and we fixed it. It was actually super easy. We just let down two gathers at the top of the skirt, and tacked the elastic waistband in place. Done. She was so relieved.

She planned to have a top made from the extra fabric she'd purchased. She searched for patterns online and found one and brought it, with the fabric, to a seamstress; a new seamstress. She just sent me a picture of it this week. It's not completely finished yet (you can see the little yellow pins in the picture), but it looks great. It's the perfect combination of formal and not-too-formal, and it fits beautifully, or at least it will when the seams are actually stitched, not pinned.

I'm really looking forward to seeing it all together, all steamed and gussied, on Mom, in the sun, by the oceanside, with Mike the groom, and the grandchildren and friends and family. July 4, 2009, here we come!

A little footnote: Denise at Immortal Beloved Bridal in Saratoga, NY, was so great to work with. I have bought many dresses from her over the years at Bird of Paradise, including my Sweet Sixteen dress (my first of 4 Betsy Johnsons - thank you Dad!) and our long-standing relationship as customer and shop owner made it really fun to work with Denise again. Her bridal salon is the most elegant (you have to take your shoes off!)
and has the best service of all that I've been to - ever. It's lovely, full of dresses of all kinds and all price ranges. They have very talented seamstresses - dressmakers really - that will re-work a dress for you to make it right, not just a tuck here and a tuck there. Denise made it clear that what she loves most (besides dresses themselves) is making the dress perfect for the bride.